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Should I Replace My Ring?


zweebie
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This might be a weird question, and obviously there are a lot of emotional elements to the story I am glossing over since this is a diamond forum, but...

 

I recently lost the stone out of my engagement ring. It was a just-over-a-carat princess cut stone that I liked very much, and luckily, I had it fully insured and my insurance company promptly cut me a check to replace it.

 

My problem is, things aren't going so well in the marriage department. My husband and I are really struggling and have been for some time. I'm not sure what to do--it is the source of much distress--I don't take divorce lightly, there are kids, counseling thus far has not helped...the point [for this forum] is, I don't know for sure the marriage will end, but I would be totally sticking my head on the sand if I didn't acknowledge that there are major problems and it very well could. I'm kind of afraid to admit this, but deep in my heart, I am pretty sure that is the direction in which we are headed.

 

So here I have this check. I don't want to do nothing with it, or just kind of bank it for other expenses or indulgences (we are fortunate to be on solid financial footing, so we don't need the money). The engagement ring was mine, I loved it, it is the nicest piece of jewelry I have, and I don't want to forfeit that.

 

At the same time, it feels kind of weird to replace a stone that symbolizes the birth of a marriage that may be limping towards its death. More than that, I would hate to replace it and end up with a piece of jewelry I can't wear and enjoy if we split up.

 

What do people out there recommend, strategically? I could replace it and hope for the best. That feels right until the next big fight comes along, and then feels really stupid.

 

I suppose I could always take the stone out of the ring and have it put into another piece of jewelry if the time comes. But I wonder if it might be smarter to be proactive now and get a different style of ring, or even a different piece of jewelry, something that would still be nice and mine, but that wouldn't be inappropriate to wear if the marriage were to fail. I am aware of sites like recycledbride.com and idonowIdont.com, and see that there are a lot of people out there with relationships that went south stuck with jewelry they don't want who can only get a fraction of the price they paid for it. I have a chance to avoid that. Maybe I should take it.

 

I realize that makes me sound really Machiavellian, and I don't want to-- I'm not a total bitch, I haven't totally given up hope on my marriage yet, and I am by no means only approaching this matter strategically. But at the same time, it's kind of strange (and perhaps ironic or symbolic) that my engagement ring came apart while my marriage is doing the same, and it feels really weird, as much as I wish it didn't, to just act like everything is hunky-dory and go buy another stone for an engagement ring when my feelings for my husband are so very mixed at this point.

 

One other potentially-relevant fact is that I don't think my husband is going to take too keenly to the idea of me replacing it with totally unrelated jewelry, and I do see his presumed point (I have not mentioned this possibility to him). He's not any happier in the marriage than I am, but I can see why he might not like me in essence liquidating the sentiment he paid for and gave to me and getting something different while the marriage is still intact. So I thought it might be wise to ask some diamond people, what other options are there? What would you do? Is there maybe something besides a big solitary stone that would look like and "count" as an official engagement ring but that might transition better should we get divorced? How well do diamonds hold their value in this type of situation?

 

I don't know...strange topic, but I thought you guys might have some wisdom to share. This is certainly not the most pressing issue with respect to my marriage, obviously, but at the same time, I've had the check to replace the stone over a month now and he keeps asking me what I am doing about it, and nothing feels right. If you would be so kind as to share any words of wisdom about jewelry, I would be much obliged (words of wisdom about marriage are also appreciated, but admittedly not expected in this forum!).

 

Thanks, all.

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Well this is, of course, not really a jewelry question and it's way outside my area of expertise. For starters, I would cash the check and bank the money. Whatever you end up doing with it, you gain nothing by leaving it as a check and they do expire over time.

 

Not that I’ve answered the real question. My gut feeling is to wait it out and attend to the more important issues in the marriage. Leaving the money in the bank doesn’t hurt much and it leaves opportunities open. If you get it fixed, and I hope you do, the ‘new’ diamond can be a symbol of the restarted relationship.

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Hi zweebie, welcome to DiamondReview - sorry that this is a stressful time for you.

 

As Neil suggests, I would definitely cash the cheque and put the proceeds in a savings account in your name only to begin with. You can always decide what to do later, but this first step should be pretty safe.

 

In general, I would not walk into any jewellery deal (and diamonds are no exception) thinking of even recouping your money. Except over the very long term (and even then), diamonds are not a good investment vehicle. Some options/thoughts:

 

1. Find a dealer that has a good trade-in / cash buy-back policy. It may somewhat limit your initial choices, but it protects your investment and it gives you greater flexibility in time. Expect to pay somewhat a premium compared to "the cheapest comparable diamond" out there -

 

2. Consider getting a good quality ring with a simulant (CZ). It's not being particularly honest with your husband, but it may put a stop to some of the pressure, and it will only set you off a few hundred dollars. You can then think about what (if anything) you want to buy and/or when to buy it.

 

3. Stay away from elaborate settings (unless you recycle your current setting). It's a lot easier to get some money back (if it comes to that) with a loose diamond than with an expensive setting.

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