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Diamond "recycling"?


LaurieH
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Here's a question I'd love to hear some feedback on, as I'm sure everyone has an opinion about this:

 

Real situation: A friend of mine is going through a divorce, and apparently she's given back the ring. He asked me this afternoon (and was apparently surveying all his female friends) if I thought it was ok to keep the diamond to give to the next potential "Mrs. B--". He said he knew giving the same ring was faux pas, but to unset the diamond and put it in another ring for another gal somewhere down the road. I know I have my opinions on this, but I'd love to hear yours!

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Absolutely NOT!!!

 

The diamond, along with the ring, is a symbol that commemorates the engagement and lifetime commitment made between two people. That particular diamond symbolizes his engagement with his previous wife. The only way to "cleanse" it of that is to sell it into the open diamond market, let it mix up with the thousands of diamonds out there, until it becomes de-symbolized, anonymous.

 

If I found out my husband-to-be did that to me, I would dump him in an instant. Or at the very least I'd kick him in the you-know-where, show him whose boss! Hahahaha

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Hi LaurieH!

 

Intriguing question...

 

I think your friend should buy a 'new' e-ring for his future Mrs.B.

But keep the diamond.

If he's planning a surprise engagement, I agree with jessie9 (the fact) it's absolutely unacceptable.

In time, tell Mrs. B about the diamond, like Ok hon, play with this stone, sell it on e-bay! :P

Your friend must see how Mrs. B will handle the situation.

The fact that she now owns Mrs. A's loose stone or e-ring will reflect her inner values in life.

A very important factor for the guy. What if she says " Hon, I'll sell that, and let's donate the money to a charity."

Vs. the bitter blah blah blah.

We all need signs, as we need to learn from our mistakes.

 

Good luck

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I would not do it - speaking as a guy. I like the idea put forward by Heart & Stone, and I would seriously consider that, or possibly a recycling into another jewel (a pair of studs? a pendant?) later. But I would not reuse it in an engagement ring unless Mrs B is aware of it and agrees (and even then I'd feel slightly uncomfortable)

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i've always thought there is absolutely no way it's ok to give a diamond meant for (or worn by) one person to another person in engagement ring, the only exception being family heirlooms, and even then, i'm not always into that. i'd say depending on the size, keep the diamond for another piece of jewelry, perhaps--maybe find a match for it for earrings or a pendant, or just sell it and use the money towards whatever else you get. but another thing is that whatever you gave fiancee/wife #1, you really should do better for fiancee/wife #2 for a number of reasons. first--she'll want to feel more important than the person from the guy's past, and second, presuming that the people involved weren't already a bit older, established and successful, hopefully the guy IS now more established and successful than he was when younger and proposing to the first gal, and so should be in a better place to provide a better gift.

 

to me (and here's where my comment about family heirlooms falls into place), an engagement ring is part of the promise--it's a tangible thing to look at but it's a symbol of the sacrifice (financial) that a man makes to the woman that he loves. in the traditional sense, he's showing that he can afford to care for her, and can afford to sacrifice money towards a gift. kind of a dowry. not saying that it has to be anything like the supposed "2 months salary" rule, but just proportionate to what each person has. if you make good money and live relatively cheap--it can be something bigger than if you make decent money but have lots of financial obligations. it's a one-shot deal, folks--the point is that it's supposed to count!

 

ok...that's my 2 cents ;)

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a symbol of the sacrifice (financial) that a man makes to the woman that he loves. in the traditional sense, he's showing that he can afford to care for her, and can afford to sacrifice money towards a gift. kind of a dowry.

 

Ugh. I agreed with you Intermezz until here. I don't see a diamond as a symbol of "sacrifice". I see it as symbol to commemorate a lifetime commitment between two people. To that end, it doesn't matter how big or small it is, or even whether or not it's a diamond.

 

Call me a purist, an idealist, a romantic, hahaha :rolleyes:

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i'm totally a romantic, too... but the idea of it as a sacrifice: i mean not in the hardship kind of sense, per se... it is a gesture, a symbol, etc all that stuff...but just saying that it should be something proportionate to what one can give. i had a friend years back who was engaged sans ring--she said "oh i dont like diamonds anyway, i'd rather have a sapphire...etc etc" which is fine. but the point is, she never said a word and he never did anything for her about it. he wasn't backing it up, as far as I was concerned. there was other stuff at play there, too, but to me--he was putting the cart before the horse. he hadn't given her anything as a token of his love, of his promise to love and "take care" of her--anything. and the dude made money--he spent it on his cars and his entertainment center and was generally a jerk. i mean, this is not the situation that made me form this opinion, but it definitely contributes to it remaining my opinion ;)

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I had a customer years ago who had been engaged in college (long before he met his, now, wife) and had been given back the ring. He'd tried selling it when he was preparing to get engaged to the person who is now his wife, and got no fair offers, so he kept it. When his wife was expecting their twins, he had me work with a bench jeweler friend of mine to create a custom pendant with the diamond in the center, each of their birthstones above and below, and the babies' birthstones on either side. She'd known about him keeping the diamond, and I (and she) totally had no problem with turning it into another piece of jewelry for her--in this case, a "push present".

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