5 replies to this topic

[janecanada]

It is the second time around for both of us, in our 40's. His third proposal as he had a broken engagement many years ago the first time.

He saw my former ring, which was a .25 center diamond with additional diamonds on the sides (total .40) which I always thought was on the smaller side but was what my first husband could afford at the time and I was very happy with it.

The ring my new fiance has given me is beautiful. He took the care to pick a practical setting (which I LOVE) and also took the care to pick out a good quality diamond (VS2, D and Canadian!).

My only issue is that the diamond is .36 carats, and the size isn't as much an issue as the way it looks in the setting. The band is wider around the diamond, and almost dwarfs the diamond.

He picked it out himself without any hints from me. I would have said at least .50 if he had asked but I am not one to ask for things and I am worried he might be offended or hurt that I don't like the ring. I LOVE the ring so that is not the case. I was just hoping the diamond would be bigger, and now that this one looks smaller in the setting, I would really like to ask him if we can replace it with a diamond that looks more "right" in the setting, and hopefully the same quality. I realize it may cost another $1000 or so (I think he paid about 2500-3000) and basically it will be "our" money paying for it, we both have a pretty good income and not majorly in debt.

Is there a way I can do this without coming across as whiny and materialistic? We are getting it sized tomorrow so it would be a good time to bring it up. We are only a few days into the 30-day return period.

thank you.

[davidelevi]

I don't see too many ways around that other than discussing it with him openly. And quickly - it would be silly to have the item sized (and thus have trouble returning it if you end up choosing another setting) and even worse to miss out on the return period.

I'd bring up the issue in terms of the match between the diamond and the setting, rather than the absolute size of the diamond. This way he is less likely to feel challenged about his willingness to spend - it becomes a matter of personal taste and aesthetics, rather than size. At the same time, be prepared to compromise on a different setting, rather than insisting on a larger diamond.

Good luck, and keep us posted! (And congratulations on your engagement, of course!)

Edited by davidelevi, 09 March 2010 - 01:37 PM.

[janecanada]

Thanks for your quick reply. I have considered a different setting, even though this one is gorgeous and very suited to me and my lifestyle (athletic, not dainty).

Although it is practical that the ring is thicker, I keep whacking it on my desk at work and I'm worried it will scuff and scratch. It is yellow gold by the way. I did bring that up, and the jeweller said they could polish it and will remove "display case scratches" when they resize it.

I'll talk to him today and use "we" as in "can we consider getting a diamond that fills out the setting better and stands out more?"

[pdisme]

Is the place sizing it the same that sold it to him? I was thinking depending on how friendly you are with the jeweler, or perhaps you could go in advance of both of you going, you could have the person doing the sizing mention the proportions, that would give you a way to continue the discussion after someone else brought it up.

[talimalind]

so what did you wind up doing, janecanada? my best mate is in the same boat! i've told her nearly the same thing as others in this thread have said, but wonder how it's turned out.

cheers!

[theheartbandits]

The only way to do it is to be honest, but be kind. Just say that you really appreciate him picking out the ring and all the effort that he put in to picking it but it just really isn't your style. You have to wear that ring for the rest of your life, you should love it.